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George W. Bush
 
"Actually, I...this may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about...when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me."-ibid
 
 

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Q: Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
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Death By Adultery

By: PortaJonPublished: 06/13/2001
 
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Two men meet at the pearly gates of heaven. The first man says to the second, "Hey! How did you die?"

The second man says, "I froze to death."

"Wow that must be a terrible way to die. What's it feel like?" says the first man.

"Well at first it hurts," says the second man, "But after a while everything goes numb and it's very peaceful. Like drifting off to sleep almost. How did you die?"

"Oh I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me. So I came home early one day to catch her in the act. I ran into her room but she was sitting there knitting. So I ran down to the basement and no one was there. I ran to the first floor but no one was there either. So I ran up the steps to the attic but just as I was halfway up the steps I had a massive heart attack and died."

"How ironic," Says the second man.

"Why's that?" Says the first.

"If you'd only looked in the freezer then we'd both still be alive."

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